Emotion Regulation: Let's talk about it

(Purple links take you to a related Solid Ground TCA post. Blue links land you at outside resources)

Did I just give you the mental health ick?

Why Learning to Regulate Changes Everything

Emotion regulation is your ability to feel without being hijacked by those feelings. It's the difference between having an emotion and being consumed by it. It's one of the most valuable skills you can develop,  especially if you've experienced trauma or chronic stress...

What's Really Happening in Your Brain

When something sets you off, your amygdala activates your stress hormones faster than you can think. This hijack happens before your rational mind can step in. This happens because your nervous system is designed to prioritize survival. It would rather overreact to a false alarm than miss a real threat. Over time, if you keep reacting without pausing, you're strengthening that reactive pathway in your brain.

For those with of us with trauma histories, this alarm system may be especially sensitive, having learned to scan for danger as a protective mechanism. There's nothing wrong with you if your reactions feel intense or out of proportion. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was trained to do.

But here's the hopeful truth: when you practice regulation you're building stronger connections between your limbic system and your default mode network. You're teaching your nervous system that it's safe to pause.

Understanding Your Emotional Triggers

A trigger is any situation, person, or event that provokes an intense emotional reaction in you. Here's what's crucial: your triggers are yours to manage. These responses often make perfect sense when we understand them as protective mechanisms that once served us well.

While we can't control what triggers us, we can gradually learn to influence how we respond. This isn't about immediately "getting over" reactions or forcing yourself to calm down, it's about building capacity over time. Some days regulation will feel easier than others, and that's completely normal.

Learning to work with your triggers is ultimately about reclaiming choice in moments when you've historically felt powerless. It's not about blame or shame; it's about gradually expanding your window of tolerance so you can stay present even when things feel activating.

Why This Matters

Your relationships can heal and grow when your nervous system is held in check. You can stay present during difficult conversations. You might find yourself able to hear feedback without immediately defending, or express needs without fear of abandonment. Others may notice they feel more at ease around you, creating space for deeper connection.

Chronic stress and unmanaged emotions take a physical toll. Your sleep suffers, your immune system weakens, and tension builds up in your body. Learning to regulate helps break this cycle, reducing the wear and tear on your system. As you develop regulation skills, you might find yourself less reactive to criticism, better able to set boundaries, and more resilient in the face of setbacks. You may find your choices increasingly align with your authentic values and long-term wellbeing rather than immediate emotional relief.

Building Your Toolkit ---eww I'm sensing another ick..

• Say it: “I’m angry.” Naming emotions shifts activity from your amygdala to your prefrontal cortex, calming the storm.

• Pause for Control - Before reacting, count to five (and dare I say, take a breath). This small pause creates space for your brain to choose calm over chaos, giving your nervous system a chance to reset.

• Breathe Deeply - Slow, deep breaths—inhale for 4, exhale for 6—activate your vagus nerve, switching your body to “rest and digest” mode. It’s a natural reset for your emotional state, especially with regular practice.

• Move Your Body - Physical movement burns stress hormones and boosts serotonin. A quick walk or stretch can shift your state. As we explored last week in my Nature and Mental Health blog, moving in nature—like a hike or park stroll—supercharges this. Nature’s calm amplifies your brain’s ability to regulate emotions.

• Spot Your Triggers - What sparks your stress? Rushing? Interruptions? A sharp tone? Noticing patterns builds self-awareness and self-compassion, letting you catch reactions early. Journaling (would you do it?) quietly helps your brain’s Default Mode Network reflect and learn.

• Seek connection and support. Regulation often happens in relationship with others. Whether it's talking to a trusted friend, working with a therapist, or simply being around people who feel safe, our nervous systems can co-regulate with others.

• Emotional regulation is tough. Stress tightens your body, shallow breathing takes over, and your brain’s fight-or-flight mode fights back. But each small step rewires your brain (neuroplasticity - this is my jam) for better control. It’s not about willpower; it’s about training your nervous system.

Some days will be harder than others. Some triggers may take longer to work with than others. This is not a reflection of your worth or your progress. It's simply part of being human, especially if you've experienced trauma.

Every small moment of pausing, breathing, or choosing a different response is rewiring your brain for greater resilience and out of survival mode. You're not just managing emotions; you're reclaiming your right to feel safe in your own body and connected in your relationships.

Why does this matter?

Because emotion regulation determines how you show up in every interaction. When your nervous system is trained to stay regulated, you respond to your environment: your relationships, work challenges, daily stressors, etc. from a place of choice rather than compulsion.

Give it a try - name an emotion, pause, breathe (yup, I said it), or notice a pattern. Be curious about what you discover.